2019

Alhamdulillah it's been an interesting journey thus far. So much has happened and so much to learn. Motherhood. Motherhood has been rewarding and very challenging. To say that it has been easier is not the complete truth. There were seasons where it is difficult to be grateful. Difficult to be thankful for all the blessings that I have. Self- identity. This has been my struggle for so long. To tell you the truth, I have no idea who I am. Really. I know my strengths, weakness and my role I have to play in this world, but beyond that I don't know who I am. At the very core, the real me. I have been unmasking slowly, layer by layer. I am odd. I am. And I am okay with that. I cant fit in and no matter what I do, I will not fit in. That's the hard truth I discovered when I hit 30. I am... just me. Values. Tried strongly with my self identity. I am trying to align my values with my actions. My values are important. My values are me. Happiness. Happiness comes with a price. For me, at least. I feel deeply. Every emotions. Swimming around in my consciousness. What to you then? I used to numb them because they are scary. But then, I learned that I am also numbing joy, my ability to feel happiness. I choose to feel happy, and sad and angry and in terrible agony.